A New Years lesson

The last week was a bit of a slog running wise, I suppose the first time in the new year (i.e. the second week) when your commitment to your new years resolutions really get tested.

I have a routine where I hang around at work on a Wednesday, so that I don't have to go home before running club training at the track. I've missed the last few weeks what with life happening and what-not, and last week was the first week I was planning to go back. I stayed a bit late and finished some of those tasks that never get done, but quickly lost all enthusiasm, which is what usually happens when you get round to doing something you have been putting off, and remember why it was that you had been putting it off in the first place. I made furtive glances towards the window, which was becoming ominously darker and wetter as the evening ticked on. Then I remembered I had forgotten my waterproof jacket, and all of a sudden all my motivation went, and all I wanted was to be at home in my dressing gown, woolly socks, in front of the fire with a warm mug of coca and an episode of Miss Marple (secretly, I am about 90). So I logged off, did a sprint across the car park, hopped into my car, and scooted off back to Chorley.

I had driven approximately to the end of the road (which sounds like it would be quite quick, but remember, this is Preston, and all traffic lights are red at all times, there are three billion cars, and everywhere takes an age to get to), before I felt horrible disappointment in myself, and wracked with guilt at missing a session because of some bad weather. If I use this as an excuse, I may as well give up entirely until at least June. Actually, I might as well give up running altogether, as I'm obviously not that committed, and if I'm not even serious enough to sick to my training plan, then how do I expect to be able to run 100 miles all at once in just a few months? Call myself a runner? I'm a fraud. That's all. I don't deserve to call myself a runner. I'm rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. Rubbish!

This is how my thoughts often run (run! Ha ha!)

So, I got home, found my elusive waterproof, and kitted up for a run before I could change my mind. I ran 5 km, and every step was honestly awful. It was raining so hard that I almost lost a contact lens, and the rain was so hard it was like being pierced in the face by a thousand tiny arrows. I spent some time deliberating how I might be able to fit my bandanna simultaneously around my head to keep my ears warm, but also around my face to stop it from hurting, but also leaving my eyes free to see (not that I could very well, due to previous contact lens issue). By then I also had brain freeze, and was unable to come up with a solution, and so gave up and decided just to be miserable for the next 20 minutes. 

I got home and felt quite dejected about the whole evening. It's all very well to set yourself goals in training, but if you don't meet them it can be quite demotivating. From this experience, I have concluded three lessons:

1) I am always harping on about how useful action plans are, so it is time I used this advice myself. A key point of an action plan is that it should be achievable, and to make sure it is, you should send some time identifying potential barriers to you meeting your goal, and how you might deal with these. Then you should re-set your original goal, so that it is more realistic, and your confidence in achieving it is greater (you should feel at least 7/10 confident that you can do it). So from this conclusion, I have concluded (in conclusion) that I need to make a new action plan RE Wednesday evenings, so that I stop feeling like I have failed every time I don't manage to do something that isn't really realistic.
2) Have sensible thoughts. I have re-read what I wrote for my thoughts (which is genuinely what I thought) above when I missed one session, and see how ridiculous it looks when you say it out loud. One set back is not the end!
3) Even if a step is rubbish and feels hard, and awful, and cold, I am still lucky to be able to take the step. Speaking with someone I met today put this into context; many people would give anything to be able to walk with no problems.

And that is enough lessons to be learned from one week.