Make friends with your fear

I have always been lucky to be surrounded by fabulous friends (and family, who are also friends too), and lately I have been reminded by just how amazing they are. As the saying goes, and indeed why bother making a new one up when you can borrow someone else's, a true friend is a friend who is there in the difficult times too.

I have tried also to make another friend recently, on Andrew's advice, which was:

"Make friends with your fear"

I ignored this initially. I don't like fear. That's the whole point. I hate it. And I don't see what the point would be, in being friends with something I hate. 

Then I thought about it a bit more, as, annoyingly, certain people are often right (although not always).

And I started to try to switch things around in my head. Last week I had loads of stuff on at work that I was quite particularly anxious about. And as I've been anxious about most things work wise and it has pretty much taken over my life for the last 5 months (and two years of training), I realised that if I could feel good about those things instead of feeling fear (which for me is a very negative experience, as I'm sure it is for most people come to think of it), then that would massively improve things.

So instead of doing what I usually do and allowing myself to get more and more anxious and negative, I told myself I was looking forward to it, and that I was going to enjoy it. To be honest, I didn't believe myself when I was telling myself all this, it all felt a bit daft. But I kept at it, in the hope that my brain might start to believe it if I told myself it enough, or just get bored and accept it in order to stop hearing me say it over and over.

You know, the week actually turned out to be great. Sure, I was way out of my comfort zone for a lot of it, and did a lot of things I've never done before or ever thought I could do, but it turned out they went pretty well, and I really enjoyed them. When I think of it, often the things that you are scared of, actually end up being totally different to what you expect, and usually are some of the best things you will do. So, what was the point in worrying about them in the first place?

The same happens with running. When I first started marathons, I did one per year for the first few. I never  thought I could do more than that, or run further, even though it was something that I wanted to do. I just thought it was something that other, better people did, and I would never be able to. It took someone close to me passing away suddenly to push me to do some fundraising by doing something I'd not done before, i.e. running 13 marathons in one year, because I realised that life was too short to put off doing things that you want to do, because you are scared of them for whatever reason. I remember the month before being terrified of the challenge, especially after I'd started telling people about it. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do it, and the little voice in my head that told me I was no good would turn out to be right, and then everyone would know I was a failure. But genuinely it turned out to be one of the best things I ever did. The year was brilliant. Sure there were ups and downs, but when aren't there? I did it, and never looked back, and have continued to consciously push my comfort zone in running. And if I can do it there, then surely I should apply that to the rest of life too.

So, although the friendship is in it's early stages, and is still a little shaky, here's to making friends with my fears (excluding spiders, obviously), and expanding my comfort zones. At the end of the day, if you try something you're not sure about and it turns out to be rubbish, you can always stop it, or try another way, I suppose. And if you never try it, then you'll never know.